


Faith & Devotion

by lonelywalker



Category: Brothers & Sisters
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-18
Updated: 2011-04-18
Packaged: 2017-10-18 08:14:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/186822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelywalker/pseuds/lonelywalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin, Scotty, Henry and Saul go on a scavenger hunt, and Saul finds more than he expects.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faith & Devotion

_There is just one life for each of us: our own.  
\- Euripides_

Saul wakes up alone.

During his long years as a confirmed bachelor, he had learned to appreciate the independence of living alone. It had been liberating, he had thought, never having to run his plans for the evening past anyone else, never having to wait his turn for a book or the computer, never feeling claustrophobic when he just needed to have his own space.

When Henry had started staying over, and then routinely going to bed with him even on the nights they'd read and talk rather than make love, he'd wondered how much he could tolerate before that famously independent spirit of his rebelled. Sleeping with another person is never simple, after all. People snore and kick and hog the covers, and interrogate you if you so much as try to go to the bathroom before dawn. And Henry... Henry's wonderful, of course, but he's all limbs and hair and warmth, and Saul likes the feel of those cool clean sheets against his skin.

He hates them now. After nine months of dating Henry, of waking up every weekend to enjoy long lazy mornings tangled up with his lover's body, he wants those arms around him. He needs that warmth.

Henry must have feline genetics to be able to slip away so easily. The shower is still wet when Saul goes to use it, breakfast dishes rinsed out in the sink. And there's a note on the fridge with a time, a set of directions, and " _xxx_ " from " _H_ ".

Saul tugs it down, grins, and hits Kevin's number on his speed dial.

***

"There's got to be a way to get out of this."

Kevin is glaring at traffic, and scratching at the collar of his shirt. Presumably, Saul suspects, he feels awkward these days without his daily armor of a suit and tie. He should be glad that Robert has set him free from the office, even on a weekend.

"We could just call and say there's been a family emergency. They'd believe that. Who wouldn't? I mean, a scavenger hunt? Sounds like going through other people's garbage."

Saul settles back in his seat. It's a relief that he isn't the only one with reservations about this entire event. "It's for charity."

"All that means is we have to _pay_ for the privilege of running around all day doing pointless things. Why can't I just write them a check, and we can all go to lunch at San Estephe instead?"

Saul honestly can't think of a good retort. "Scotty's already there?"

Kevin honks the horn impatiently. "Yeah, he had to check some things at the restaurant, and he went from there. He's really been into this gay rights thing ever since all the Proposition 8 nonsense. I mean, it's irritating, but it'll get overturned eventually. And I really don't think hordes of gay men running around the city on a Saturday is going to change any Republican minds. I'd be better off bugging Robert at the office."

"It's not all about gay marriage," Saul points out, even though Henry, given half a chance, will talk endlessly about the subject to anyone who might listen. "It's about community building... Henry wants me to meet his friends, and I suppose it _is_ about time that I met some gay men I'm not actually related to."

The concept more than terrifies him. As a younger man, he had actively avoided the gay community at all costs, afraid that being around openly gay men and women would somehow out him in turn - that they'd be able to _sense_ something, or that his straight friends and family would find him guilty by association. Even now, in a loving relationship with a man who's scarcely ever been anything but comfortable with his sexuality, Saul's rarely ever been "out" anywhere but in his own apartment. The only place he can recall doing as much as holding Henry's hand is in the dark at the symphony, his heart thumping during every fragile second of contact.

Kevin glances over at him. The car is still going nowhere. "So you two are getting pretty serious? I was amazed he didn't dump you the moment he escaped from that baby shower, the way Kitty and Mom were carrying on."

"I think Scotty and Julia gave him a pep talk about how to survive dating one of us. I know they talk on that... Facespace thing."

Kevin snorts. "It's probably an anti-Walker conspiracy. Before we know it, they'll _all_ be running off to Seattle."

Despite the lack of anything else to do but talk, there's an uncomfortable silence. Julia's recent departure with little Elizabeth is still fresh in both of their minds, even if Seattle is hardly on the other side of the world.

Saul clears his throat. He's never been particularly good at talking about his personal life, but he's hardly going to let Kevin mope any more about family matters. "We're doing very well, Henry and I. He's a wonderful man."

"He seems nice," Kevin says, non-committal, and looks sidelong at his uncle. "So... you two are... doing stuff, now? It's all good?"

Saul can only blink in response. "Kevin, I have no idea what you're trying to ask."

"Look, I know Mom and Sarah talk about sex all the time, but I really don't want to get into it with you. I just want to know that you're happy, cause god knows we've both had our identity issues, and I can't _imagine_ not being with someone I was actually attracted to until I was... you know." He pulls a face.

"You can say 'old', Kevin." Saul considers the question. "We're fine. We... I really have no complaints."

"No complaints? He's your boyfriend, Saul, not a courier service."

Saul has to laugh. "All right. What do you want me to say? We have a... a deeply satisfying sexual relationship. Is that enough?"

Kevin is busy trying to cut into another lane. "More than enough. I'm going to have to wash out my brain with bleach. God! Come _on_." He thumps the horn again, and sighs in frustration. "Let's just go and hide in Mom's kitchen. They can all fight for our civil liberties without us."

Tempting as it might be to retreat to familiar, safe surroundings, Saul has to factor in the prospect of spending the entire day without Henry. Henry, who no doubt will be looking utterly gorgeous in his tight jeans and leather jacket, surrounded by his adoring friends. "Look at it this way," he says diplomatically. "Either we go, or our partners both spend the day having fun and running around the city with younger, hotter men."

Kevin stares into the rearview mirror, digesting this concept. "Okay," he says, finally. "There has _got_ be a way around this traffic."

***

They're late, but not embarrassingly so, as Kevin manages to park and feed the meter, and Saul spots Henry and Scotty poring over a map. His boyfriend. Kevin's husband. Henry and he have never discussed marriage, beyond the political issues, but... there's a certain amount of appeal in that ring on Scotty's finger. That unerring symbol of devotion.

Kevin would no doubt disagree - Henry is hardly his type - but Henry really _does_ look gorgeous, perched up on the edge of the organizers' table, a black muscle shirt showing off those great biceps of his. He hardly looks like a man in his sixties, not even alongside Scotty, who's attracting more than a few appreciative glances from the members of other teams. Saul's almost afraid to go to him, embarrassed by his own grey hair and less-than-athletic body. No one is going to be coming onto _him_ today, that's for certain.

Kevin must be thinking along similar lines, because he hurries on forward to swing an arm hastily around Scotty's shoulders, more possessive than he ever is when it's just the family. "Hey you. Hi Henry."

Henry stretches out a hand to Saul, welcoming him into the group. "Hey baby. We're just getting started."

For a moment, a wave of tension goes through Saul at the possibility that Henry might kiss him here, out in public, with Kevin and Scotty and at least fifty complete strangers watching. And then, seeing a flicker of concern in his lover's eyes, he makes himself relax, makes himself remember that Henry is _his_ , and initiates the kiss himself.

It's only a light touch of lips against lips, but when he breaks contact, he's still far too afraid to meet anyone's eyes. "So. What do we have to do?" he asks, concentrating only on the map.

Henry's hand is a light, reassuring pressure on his back. "Here's the first clue. It looks like we have to find a particular exhibit in a museum..."

"But I can't find it on the map," Scotty adds. "There's supposed to be a key showing all the museums, but..."

Kevin is already reaching for his phone. "I'll just google it."

"No, no. I know where this is." Saul adjusts his glasses, and stabs a finger at a location only a few blocks away. "I know I've seen that exhibit, too." His fingers entwine with Henry's, pulling him to his feet. "Come on, children. If we're going to do this, we might as well win it."

***

They don't win. They're not even in the top ten. But they do at least finish, early enough to have time to order drinks in the bar that serves as the finish line, and sit back to watch the last of the teams straggle in. Saul is relieved, more than anything - relieved that his talents had come in useful, in addition to Henry's encyclopedic knowledge of LA streets, Kevin's almost supernatural WAP skills, and Scotty's effortless ability to enlist the help of knowledgeable passersby. They'd completed the course, and managed to have fun along the way, evidenced by all of the crazy photos they've captured on their digital camera.

And, Saul realizes as Henry nudges closer to him in the booth, he hadn't worried about how other people might react to them at all. He'd just relaxed, and let Henry grab his hand as they'd hurried from place to place. Even now, as it dawns on him that he's sitting in his first ever gay bar, he can't work up the energy to be concerned.

Opposite them, Kevin is busy with the preview feature on the camera, as Scotty looks over his shoulder, laughing his heart out. "Oh god. We're never letting Sarah get hold of these. She'll have them all over the internet in an hour."

"What're you talking about?" Kevin objects. "We're _adorable_. Tell him, Saul. You know Mom has her fridge covered in pics of Evan and Elizabeth? Well, we're cuter. This is the proof."

"I believe it," Saul tells him, not in the mood to object to anything, and certainly not with Henry's arm around him. On their race around the city, they'd run into several of the other teams, most of whom knew Henry. And Henry had always hauled Saul over and introduced him, proudly, as "my boyfriend", as if it were Saul who were the true catch.

Henry's friends, whether they were L, G, B, T, or Q (Saul still isn't sure what the "Q" is for, and is reasonably sure that Henry will laugh if he asks), had all been lovely and, well... Saul isn't sure what he had expected, what he had been afraid of. Some of them had been very flamboyantly dressed, but no one had threatened to make him wear makeup or a feather boa. And, as the day had gone on, his fears had become more and more redundant, and his grip on Henry's hand firmer than ever.

"Do you need to work?" he asks quietly as Scotty tries to wrestle the camera away from Kevin. "I know you did a lot of the organization..."

Henry is sipping the last of his beer. "Not really. I wasn't in charge of this one, and we can clear up the remains of paperwork on Monday. We can stay here as long as you like."

"Mm." Saul isn't particularly good at this part, but... "I was hoping we might go back to my place? Have a night to ourselves? I'm sure Kevin and Scotty can have fun without us."

Henry finishes off his drink, and licks his lips, looking at Saul with a smile that speaks of renewed interest. "I'll get my bike, then."

***

Motorbikes have never held much appeal for Saul in the past. They'd always seemed like a dangerous extravagance for teenagers, or for middle-aged men desperate to reclaim some glimmer of youth. He had never even _touched_ one until Henry had shown up on his for one of their earliest dates, and now... He'd still never ride one by himself, but riding pillion with Henry isn't so bad. It's even something of a thrill, feeling the air rush past them, feeling the warmth of Henry's body pressed against his.

"Kevin was asking about our sex life," Saul finds himself saying as Henry locks up his bike outside Saul's apartment building. It's as good a way to broach the subject on his mind as any.

"Oh really?" Henry reaches out to take Saul's helmet. "Did you tell him about all of the whips and chains?"

Saul's hand easily slips into Henry's as they stroll towards the building. "I think he feels as though he has to look out for me a little bit, now that he's happily married and I'm dating for the first time. He thinks that I'm going to get hurt."

Henry squeezes his hand, and holds the door open for them both. "You did run your car into a tree last year."

"That was nothing to do with _dating_ ," Saul objects. "Completely the reverse. But it is... strange, I suppose. Starting a new relationship at my age. Being a... You know. Being so inexperienced."

"It's not as strange as you might think." Henry thumbs the call button for the elevator. "Many people get married and only come out in later life. And there are people who split up or lose their partners. Almost everyone has to start over at some point."

The elevator arrives, and Saul steps inside without a word. The problem, in his mind, is less about starting over than it is about never having started at all. He hadn't been afraid about sex with Henry ever being uncomfortable, or even painful, but he _had_ worried about his own ability to satisfy another man. Henry has had a lifetime of experience. But, for all intents and purposes, Saul might as well have been a virgin.

"Are you hungry? " Saul asks as Henry unlocks the door to the apartment. "I'm sure I could cook... something." In practice, though, he's not sure that there's much in the fridge beyond eggs and milk.

"I'm a little hungry," Henry admits once they're both inside. "But I'd rather have you... we can order out later, maybe?"

Sometimes, Saul can only marvel at how sweet Henry can be. "That sounds perfect," he says, slipping his arms around Henry's waist. "And I have to find a good way to repay you for such a lovely day."

"I thought I owed _you_. You didn't want to come."

"No, I wanted to. I was scared, but I wanted to." He presses his cheek to Henry's chest. "I've been thinking about something else I'd like to do with you. And I'm a little scared about it, too..."

Henry doesn't respond immediately, and instead Saul feels strong arms clasped around him. Perhaps Henry already knows what Saul is about to propose. "We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with," he says softly. "I'm happy just as we are."

"I want you to make love to me," Saul says, his voice clear and calm. "I want to feel you... It's the only thing we haven't done yet, and I... I'd like to try."

"We haven't done the whips and chains either," Henry points out quickly. "Look, Saul, is this about... some kind of gay identity thing? Because plenty of the gayest guys in the world don't like anal. It's not some kind of requirement for your LGBT membership card."

Saul straightens up, prepared for this argument. "But you like it."

"You know I do."

"So I'd like to try. I trust you, Henry. I know you're not going to hurt me."

"Mm." There's a moment of hesitation, and then Henry visibly relaxes. "All right. I'll just take a shower and we can go to bed..."

Saul stops him in his tracks, scrunching the front of his shirt into his fist. "You spend far too much time in the shower. Come on. I like you all hot and sweaty."

Chuckling, Henry leans down to kiss him.

***

The first time they'd made love, Saul had marveled at Henry's patience. Even for an older man, unburdened by surging hormones and a raging sex drive, it was surely less than ideal to have to deal with the fumbling efforts of a newcomer to the gay sex scene. But Henry had set him at ease about both his abilities and his body within minutes, kissing him, touching him, awakening long-dormant feelings with nothing more than the scratch of a beard against long-weathered skin.

Feeling Henry's mouth on him in the darkness hadn't been _so_ different from his experiences with women. But psychologically he'd been rigged to explode, his fingers running through Henry's close-cropped hair, imagining how hard Henry must be getting because of him. Because of _him_.

He'd taken Henry's cock in his hand afterwards, still shivering with post-orgasmic bliss, and stroked and rubbed and explored as Henry moaned into his mouth and came over his fingers. It had been the most wonderfully satisfying night of his life.

Over the last weeks and months, he's become more confident about his ability to please Henry in the bedroom. Henry has never had any complaints, only encouragement and suggestions, but it's taken this long for Saul to convince _himself_.

"There were a lot of good-looking guys at the event today," he says, looking at Henry stretching out naked on their bed. "And you know most of them. Why on earth were you single before you met me?"

Henry is watching him undress with an interested eye. "You need your ego stroked a little, baby?"

"No, I really am curious."

"Well, part of it was that I wasn't really ready for another serious relationship," Henry says, moving over a little to let Saul lie down next to him. "But I've always been interested in older men... and there aren't many of those at my age who aren't just vegetating in front of the television or out playing golf all day. The first night we met, I talked more about music and books and philosophy with you than I have in ten years with anyone. You care so much about your family. You're loving and generous. And you're incredibly sexy... mainly because you just don't have a clue how attractive you really are."

Saul tries to avoid smiling, and reaches out to stroke Henry's cheek. "Flatterer."

"I wouldn't be with you if I didn't think you were amazing," Henry says softly. "I'm too old to mess around with kids or with superficial relationships that are going nowhere. And I do think that we're going somewhere."

"You should move in," Saul says without even pausing to take a breath, and he would be astonished at himself for saying it if Henry's hand wasn't warm against his hip, making him feel connected.

Perhaps Henry sees that sudden doubt in his eyes, because he smiles with something less than complete enthusiasm. "I could move in, but we'd need to buy a house to store all of my books. And you need space too."

"So maybe we should think about buying a house." Something in him says he shouldn't even be broaching this subject now, but the more he thinks about it, the more it seems to make perfect sense. People decide to get _married_ after dating for less time than they've been together. If he's going to be impulsive about anything in his life, it might as well be this.

"I'll think about it," Henry says, and moves closer to kiss him. "Very seriously."

***

He only hurts afterwards, snuggling against Henry under the covers, and perfectly prepared never to move again.

Even before he had met Henry, before he'd had the slightest chance of ever having sex with a man, he had read screeds of material online about gay sex and culture. Most of it, particularly the articles on safe sex and AIDS, had seemed explicitly designed to terrify him - and 16-year-old boys - out of ever even _thinking_ of trying it, and asking Kevin or Scotty for advice would no doubt have only led to yet more embarrassing scenes around the dinner table.

But he _trusts_ Henry, had believed him that, if he found that the sex was just as enjoyable as his yearly prostate exam, their relationship would still be strong. So he'd been able to relax and let Henry love him, conjuring responses from his body he hadn't imagined he'd ever be able to feel. And that sensation of being full... Henry has slipped a finger inside him a few times during oral, giving him a taste of what it feels like, but having Henry _fill_ him like that... His body has been buzzing with endorphins ever since.

"It still feels as though you're inside me," he murmurs, kissing Henry's collarbone, feeling tiny hairs tickle his lips.

Henry strokes a hand down his back. "It'll feel better in the morning. Maybe I was a little too rough at the end."

"No, I like it... it's nice. Different. We should have done this a long time ago."

"Mmmm."

It's dark outside the window, even if it is too early to bed down for the night, and Saul feels as though all he wants to do is cling to Henry and stay exactly where he is for the remainder of the weekend.

"Maybe we should have a shower, now," Henry suggests after more comfortably silent minutes pass, although he doesn't move except to rub Saul's back in slow circles. "I could call that Chinese place round the corner. They had pretty good eggrolls last time."

They could do this forever, Saul knows, improving by degrees - making love and meeting friends and, in the end, just being themselves. It's the hardest, most satisfying goal Saul could ever hope to achieve.

"I love you," he says, finding Henry's hand in the darkness. The words are horribly overdue. The sentiment is not.

He won't be waking up alone anymore.


End file.
